This Week on Craigslist (6-30-11)

Hammock Stand (Bloomfield)

Large Foam Rubber (Andover, NJ)

1994 Nissan Quest middle seat

Free Bubble Wrap (Meadowlands)

Free Broken Power Washer Engine works fine (Riverdale- Morris)

15 Moments of Misery (6/30/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Dying on the toilet, rabid animals, contracting rabies, day old coffee, food allergies, flat tires, movies by Michael Bay, the internet prior to 1999, snuff films, touch tone phones, male pattern baldness, identity theft, being shot by annimal tranquilizers auto tune and the Insane Clown Posse...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (6/23/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Flat tires, ugly babies, irritable bowel syndrome, being scared to death, faulty parachutes, seeing your grandma naked, stabbing yourself, flash flooding, poorly designed highway systems, falling asleep on the toilet, the sound of Bjork, unibrows, bed bugs, exploding manholes and drunk air traffic controllers...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (6/16/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Sugar free drinks, changing your parent's diaper, Confederate flags, 20 year long road construction, public transportation, escaped zoo animals, bird poop on clean cars, roadkill, sunburn on your eyelids, Whoopi Goldberg's hair, blood diamonds, religious fundementalism, the movie 2012, expired coupons, and never being able to afford a home...

This has been another 15 moments of misery...



15 Moments of Misery (6/2/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Diabetic cats, awkward hugs, professional wrestling, the Central Park Jogger, being lost at sea, the accuracy of Wikipedia, student drivers, televangelists, urine samples, corporate takeovers, remote controlled machine guns, not having an alibi,  men with Jesus beards, small children choking on toys, and ungreatful invalids...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (5/26/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Rap music in foreign languages, waking up screaming, death by hanging, velociraptors, text message break-ups, fat camp, knee replacements, prison food, mall parking lots, sleeping in your car, Richard Simmons, honorable mention, getting shot, group hugs and birds strangled by six-pack rings...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

This Week on Craigslist (5/5/11)

This week from North Jersey's Craigslist free section:

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2345308058.html (All Terrain Baby Stroller)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2343086963.html (Pregnancy Medicine)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2341436140.html (3/4 Inch Tape Deck)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2331100889.html (Legless Chair)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2355476057.html (Reclining Wheel Chair)

15 Moments of Misery (5/5/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Having slow metabolism, feature-length infomercials, people without teeth smiling, parking in Manhattan, eating brains, enormous belt buckles, elevator malfunctions, cafeteria works, missle silos, motel fires, not being in the VIP section, roadblocks, internal bleeding, overpopulation and Techno Viking...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

This Week on Craigslist (4/2811)

Craigslist is the most ridiculous place on the internet for free shit. So, each week we will be highlighting the most ridiculous and bizarre items FOR Free. This week on craigslist:

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2351642987.html (waffle maker, Midland Park, NJ)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2350031753.html (magic scrolls, Wantage, NJ)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2346366122.html (patriotic mailbox Morris Plains, NJ)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2343363909.html (rocks, Glen Rock, NJ)

http://newjersey.craigslist.org/zip/2342331175.html (1930's player piano, Montville, NJ)

15 Moments of Misery (4/28/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Never being able to retire, Penn Station, Colombian warlords, torrential downpours, sewing machine accidents, leaky boats, automatically included gratuity, riding lawnmowers, misspelled road signs, drunken tourists, children who have children, desecrated graves, old men with dyed hair, propane tank explosions and meeting your husband's other wife...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (4/21/10)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Needing a kidney, force-feeding your kids, white people with dreadlocks, living on a noisy block, umbrellas inverted by strong winds, couples who finish each others sentences, roid rage, sitcom laugh tracks, carbon monoxide poisoning, the global economy, malfunctioning toilets, dogs wearing sweaters, the McCarthy era, Mexican Jumping Death Spiders and  public masturbation...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (4/14/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Diabetic cats, sales tax, public executions, road blocks, crop circles, the KGB, organic dog food, boomerang-related injuries, concerts to save the planet, eternal construction projects, abandoned gas stations, morning breath, the thirteenth floor, disbarred lawyers and running out of toilet paper...

This has been another 15 moments of misery



15 Moments of Misery (4/7/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Getting stuck in the car wash, couples who never fight, tube socks, Michael Bay, stepping on a nail, down payments, kindergarten admissions tests, dying in a motel room, sunken treasure, Cousin It, Tim Curry as Pennywise the clown, roadside check points, diplomatic immunity, Homeland Security and imploded scuba divers...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

The Call of Christie!

Our latest segment, "The Call of Christie":has sparked interest amongst the Two Guys, One Mic followers. Last week we attempted to summon The Christie to come and repair Hamburg Turnpike located in Wayne, NJ. Driving on this road has become so unbearable it's easily comparable to riding The Great American Scream Machine at Six Flags Great Adventure. It's not wrong to say this road is less car friendly than any road in Japan right now. Massive craters cover this road , road lines criss-cross, as well as severe flooding all through out. If you could install one those shoulder restraints from a suspension roller coaster on the inside of your car then this road would not be a problem for anyone. Tune in this Thursday, April 7th, from 6-9pm and find out what we will summon The Christie to do next. If you have anything in New Jersey you want to bitch about email us it and we'll include it in this week's "The Call of Christie".

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Enemy of the State: MAVAV

This week on the show we discussed the top 10 most anticipated Xbox 360 games of 2011. We also got to talking about a group of mothers who think that video games are the worst thing ever created since child pornography. We're talking about Mothers Against Videogame Addiction and Violence. We know we like to call out all sorts of groups for being ridiculous or over-the-top fanatical about their ideals, and we do it all in fun (minus the West Boro Baptist Church, fuck those crazies). But some people have to take the reality of things to the next level and ruin all the fun for the rest of us.

Case and point: The MAVAV. This group of renegade mothers can only be explained by their groups mission statement:

     Video game addiction is without a doubt, becoming this century's most increasingly worrisome epidemic, comparable even to drug and alcohol abuse. All the while, the video game industry continues to market and promote hatred, racism, sexism, and the most disturbing trend: clans and guilds, an underground video game phenomenon which closely resembles gangs. Parents NEED to be aware of the hidden dangers.


These mothers are so out of touch with reality, they just compared  video games to drug and alcohol abuse! Albeit, people with addictive personalities will sometimes take things to an extreme level. But holy shit, kids who play Halo and Call of Duty aren't shooting up heroine between their toes (and when some news story comes along that shows this trend, we'll shut up)!

The mission statement also goes on to compare clans and guilds to real life gangs. For some reason, we can't see the Crips and the Bloods trolling World of Warcraft. People are playing and game and interacting in a fantasy world for fun. The same thing can be said for people who participate in fantasy football/baseball/hockey teams each season. Most of these individuals aren't brandishing weapons and robbing liquor stores.

So let's just say this: video games are not some global pandemic that is poisoning the minds of children. If you're a parent, please have a brain about things and be rational. Don't let your kids play violent games until you think they are mature enough to handle them. And if they hold up a liquor store, buy some black market weapons and decide to start the north NJ chapter of the Bloods in your neighborhood, chances are they don't have time to go achievement hunting on their Xbox 360.

15 Moments of Misery (3/31/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Fugitives from justice, losing your keys, pathological liars, being stabbed with a letter opener, crash landings, burst ear drums, ransom, helmet hair, pop radio, broken photocopiers, eco-terrorism, being attacked by birds, chipped teeth, maritime law and the link between cell phone use and male infertility...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (3/24/11)

And now another 15 Moments of Misery...

Murder weapons, drowning in the shallow end, three-legged puppies, failed voodoo, people who die during sex, hospital waiting rooms, friends without benefits, loud reoccuring sounds, cats sleeping on the stove, babysitting demonic infants, the taste of dog food, pleather, Jehovah's Witnesses, male escorts and poorly made condoms...

This has been another 15 Moments of Misery

15 Moments of Misery (3/10/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Cars wrapped around trees, cigarette ads, nights in bomb shelters, being too busy for sex, men who shave their chests, sloths, aging porn stars, dying while rock climbing, Civil War reinactments, peeing into the wind, cats with no tails, bathing at a carwash, trench warfare, small children choking on toys judgemental gyneocologists...

This has been another 15 Moments of Misery

Enemy of the State: West Boro Baptist Church

We rarely like to get uber political on the show, but in our new segment Enemy of the State, we finally want to talk about certain individuals and/or organizations that are ruining America.

One such group is the West Boro Baptist Church. To say that they are a hate group is probably the understatement of the century. They hate anyone and everything that can possible get them attention. And they justify it by saying that "God Hates America" and "God Hates F*gs".

They also protest against homosexuality outside of military funerals, even though the deceased was not gay or lesbian. What the fuck is the point? It's like if we decided to get up in arms about fast food and protesting outside a daycare clinic. The only way these chodes are going to continue to receive attention is if we give it to them. So, lesson learned, let stupidity and ignorance run its course and let them inbreed with one another until they eventually they fizzle out. Because, lets be honest, they're only trying to make hate trendy. And half of these uneducated Dust Bowl retards probably couldn't figure their way around Twitter if their lives depended on it.

15 Moments of Misery (3/3/10)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Suggested donations, slow motion fight sequences, murders without motive, euthanasia, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, sewer explosions, leap year birthdays, snuff films, cold fried chicken, illegally parked cop cars, babies names after Vikings, losing a snowball fight, slow roasted humans, street food in Mexico City and being crushed by a massive boulder...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

Tip #1 Egg Rolls

Left over egg rolls are delicious. Microwave for 1 minute & 15 seconds then enjoy. -The PHAT Man

15 Moments of Misery (2/24/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

Fat people in Smart cars, old people at the check out, domesticating exotic animals, the No Child Left Behind Act, the rising cost of foreign oil, fast food establishments inside of department stores, 1980's movie remakes, the first Terminator's sex scene, the nothingness of South Carolina, the Bible Belt, the annual salaries of government employees, the Fat Bastard sandwich, forgetting to flush, commercial radio and moobs...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

15 Moments of Misery (2/17/11)

And now another 15 moments of misery...

The Manhattan Project, elderly people and stairs, heavy drinking near cliffs, pages that fall out of books, working on holidays, people who bleed on you, pauper's graves, days spent in bathrobes, underage workers at meat packing plants, making love to a mannequin, freedom fries, heartworm, poorly attended revolutions, parallel parking and accidental racism...

This has been another 15 moments of misery

Jersey John - 1, South - 0

Hey folks! Jersey John back from a week away from Two Guys, One Mic and damn, was it interesting! Let's start by saying the south-eastern part of our great country is a giant wasteland.

I drove down to Florida for a wedding and literally spent a grand total of 32 hours in a car with some other crazy individuals but when I tell you there is nothing from mid-Virginia to Florida, that's the understatement of the century.

Other than complete nothingness, trees and crazy Jesus billboards, there were a grand total of 18 Waffle House(s) down I-95 and enough fireworks to sink Venezuela, so it wasn't a total loss. And if you're looking for variety in people, things to do, scenery, a hopping night life, big cities or anything remotely civilised, you may as well shoot yourself.

To make a long story short, I'm back in NJ alive, well and grateful for the homogeneous society that we have up here (and the all-around lack of confederate flags...fucking losers). So, unless you're in the military, openly racist, a Christian fundamentalist, love banjos, love cheap cigarettes or are old enough to be considered compostable you should probably stay north of the Mason Dixon line and write the South off as goners.


Damn its good to be home,

-Jersey John

Thank You

Its February now...holy shit! I could remember, it was just April of 2008 and The PHAT Man and I were starting our very first show of Two Guys, One Mic, nervous as hell. We were fumbling around the equipment, had shitty song transitions. But we were finally on the radio...88.7fm.

Now, nearly three years later, here we are. Well polished, excited about every show, pulling everything we have into making the most unique radio experience we can for our listeners: people who take time out of their day to listen to what we have to say. Without that, we would just be another couple of guys rambling on and on about what pisses them off on a regular basis. People who call us, request music (sometimes good, sometimes bad), give us positive and negative feedback, but they're listening.

So, when you listen to myself and The PHAT Man, just remember we come here every Thursday night, sometimes a few hours before our show starts. We gather news stories, make our top 10 lists, formulate a twisted history lesson and try and bring all of you what radio doesn't have anymore: heart. So, we say thank you, from the bottom of our twisted hearts to the depths of our twisted brains. We do this for all of you.

-Jersey John-

What's good people?

What's good people????